KINK: So you want to be a BBW Dominatrix. Or see one.

When I was a teenager, I use to collect erotica. Still do. This was before the Internet gave teenage girls equal access to porn. My dad was a Penthouse man and I use to sneak into his magazines to read the Forum section and look at the glam girls. Later, I would track down steamy erotic at alternative bookstores like Tower Records (when they still existed). Water tub masturbation and all that fun jazz. My friends and I at 15, even got some local liquor store to sell me some of the Penthouse forum only stories…

Then I heard of  The story of O. Couldn’t find a copy until I was on a teenager trip into LA…found a copy in a decadent perverted, kink filled Hollywood bookstore. It was my first entry into BDSM. I didn’t really connect with the story overall but it was still solid entry into the world of kink that would be soon followed by Victorian erotica like The Pearl. At 17, I was reading the Beauty Trilogy while on vacation in Mexico City..then Exit to Eden. If my family had known!…At 19, The Hollywood clubs I went to had spanking rooms in the back….Never entered but I was curious. I like they existed.

As a BBW in my 20’s, I was often approached by submissive men. Again I avoided. I was just turned off by having someone only see my size as dominant. The focus on my fat/size made me feel less feminine. I didn’t understand it. As many young women envision, I wanted to desired. Back then, desire was defined by me as being taken or submissive. All that 50 shades of gray bullshit. Now the images of virgins bore me (unless its a strap-on virgin or cocksucker virgin). Who doesn’t like being taken in some way or another be it a kiss or more….

So how did I become a BBW dominatrix?

BDSM & Kink is a the about energy of power exchange. When I became an escort, I again had many submissive men contacting me. The same ones I would have never dated in my early 20’s. I was older and my size wasmore sensual to me. I was a Goddess, a Mistress, Someone with Curves and Strength to be obeyed. My energy in turn became dominant with those men. I still identify as a switch in my personal life but I like variety. (Escort clients reading this, don’t take this an invitation to tie me up. Not happening.)

As I look back, This wasn’t a situation of me being Dominant for Pay. My bdsm side had already existed but it had been in conflict. It was able to emerge in a positive form from having submissive playmates. I had always knew I was kinky, open-minded and such. Exit to Eden had discussed how the best dominas are often those who have been submissiveor trained. My clients gave me a bdsm playspace where I could enjoy being dominant but not have to be 24/7 lifestyle. I still look fondly back at my first time giving a Golden Shower to a sub or leaving someone panting under me in servitude. During this time I also learned a lot about bdsm energy from my phone sex business when I wasn’t doing in person sessions.

In 2015, I got my first taste of dungeon space when a very bdsm seasoned client was visiting the LA..I had seen him in Vegas but a hotel room just wasn’t going to cut it. Having a dungeon space to tease, flog,spank, facesit, crossdress…made me feel above all else: Professional. I loved it. It was like having a bdsm candy store available. It became a flogging workshop. Since then, unless I am touring, I exclusively use dungeons for my bdsm sessions. Strict or Sensual.

I have taken and continue to take bdsm workshops from established LA mistresses. I didn’t apprentice formally. BBW is a niche and many dungeons are not welcoming. Yet, I refuse to be the “escort with a whip” who dresses the part but has no understanding of BDSM other than its a way to make money.

To many there is in bdsm a hierarchy where an escort can’t also be a dominatrix …I am an atypical hybrid because my bdsm experience  grew out of my escorting. My bdsm sessions are not escorting ones. I do not bring BDSM into my escorting sessions unless a client inquires. The energy for each type of session I offer is very particular/separate unless someone requests a KGFE session…which is not the norm or for a new bdsm client.

Large and In Charge,

Isabella Crush, Mistress

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